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Epic Midlife Women-A Program for Women in their 40s and 50s

October 30th, 2019

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” –Nora Ephron

“The body is not a thing, it is a situation.” —Simone de Beauvoir

Hi. My name is Shelli. I’m 51 years old and I’m going through perimenopause. 🤪💃🏿

Hi! I’m Shelli.

By definition, perimenopause means “around menopause” and refers to the time during which a woman’s body makes its natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years. Technically speaking, this is a time when a woman’s level of estrogen–the main female hormone–rises and falls unevenly. A woman’s menstrual cycle may lengthen or shorten, and she may begin having menstrual cycles in which her ovaries don’t release an egg (ovulate). 

Can I just call it what it is? This is a time when all hell breaks loose for a woman, at least occasionally. (Note: Not all women struggle in perimenopause/midlife. There are some who sail through this stage without incident. I just don’t know any of them.)

But before we get to the hell-breaking-loose part, let me say for the record that the middle of life is an extremely meaningful and beautiful stage of life. This is a time of harvest and reaping the benefits of years of striving, raising children (or not), overcoming challenges, making memories, and more. It’s a time for reflecting, to be grateful for the blessings in our life while looking forward with hope and anticipation. Personally, and honestly, this is the best time of my life.

And, it’s also a hard and disorienting time.

Ageism is real, and as women entering midlife, the challenges we confront in the workplace and the world are real and sometimes hard to navigate. We may feel invisible, overlooked or dismissed. Categorized as being past our prime.

And then there are the occurrences when we feel we might be going crazy. For example, the other night my husband, Jerry, brought home flowers for me. Upon discovering them, I kissed the flowers and then smelled my husband while saying Thank You. (And by the way, I didn’t deserve the flowers, but that’s another story. For now, suffice it to say that my husband is thoughtful, but also probably concerned. After all, these days I often enter a room and can’t remember why. I am more easily overwhelmed. I sometimes think I’m losing my mind, and I’m often not recognizable to myself, let alone to those who love me.) 

I’ve been soliciting and compiling a list of unusual or “crazy” things women have done or experienced as a result of the physiological and psychological changes in midlife. (If you’re a woman, please consider sharing anecdotes and stories with me. I promise to not disclose your identity.) The first woman who shared about her experience with perimenopause did so a couple of years ago when I ran into her at a community event. This is a woman that I have always considered to be a rockstar–a superwoman who is extremely accomplished, involved in her community, and who isn’t easily fazed. I hadn’t seen or talked to her in over a year. She explained that perimenopause had turned her life upside down. She explained that for over a year she was for the most part “emotionally disabled,” and shared with me intimate details about how particular parts of her body were breaking down in all kinds of unexpected and painful ways. I have been scared ever since.

A woman I used to coach who is also in this most exciting stage of life, shared with me that one day she walked to the gas station to fill her car up. Yes, you read that correctly.

Another woman told me she has been waking up almost every night with what feels like panic attacks. Once awake, she feels an impending doom and cannot get through it without getting up and going outside, even if it’s dark and even if it’s raining or snowing out. She explained that she could not bear the thought of even one more night like that, so she went to the doctor to get a prescription for anti-anxiety meds, which she hopes will prevent future panic attacks and feelings of doom.

I belong to a few online communities that cater to women who are over 40 and it’s common to read of women suffering existential crises. Another woman wrote to me that after she spent an evening reading in bed like she typically does (“with the perfect eyesight I’ve always had”) she woke up and it was the end of her perfect eyesight. Just like that. Literally overnight. While checking emails on her phone at breakfast, the words were so blurry she had to strain hard with her eyes just to try to read it. Her great vision never returned and she now wears progressive lenses. Are eyesight problems due to perimenopause? I don’t know, but at this point, I’d say, of course! 🙂

Several women have shared with me how they wake up in the early morning hours to discover themselves stripped naked, and their bedsheets totally drenched all the way through the mattress pad. At the same time, they feel mentally scattered and confused.

Hot flash cure. This is how we do it on the Frontier. 😉

Educator and author Darcey Steinke, in her latest book, Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life, describes one of her hot flashes: “I throw off my covers and feel, in the first pocket of spooky quiet, that flames are burning from my inner organs up into my muscles toward the skin. I’d run away but how does one flee one’s own body? Each hair is a thin electric coil heating up my head.”

Like I was saying, the struggle is real.

Jenny Offill, the author of Dept. of Speculation, praises Steinke’s book: calling it “a profound white-knuckle ride through unnamed territories.”

I love Offill’s description because as I find myself experiencing symptoms of perimenopause, I do indeed feel like I’m in an unnamed territory. It is as if I’m standing with a great expanse of uncharted land before me, for which I do not have a map. And by all early indications, the terrain will at times be severe and dramatic.

Add to that, I’ve learned that the physiological and psychological symptoms that come with this stage of a woman’s life, can last 4-12 years. In other words, this won’t be a quick adventure, and I’m going to need some help.

Fortunately, help is available in many forms. First, there are forms of support that address physiological and psychological symptoms. There is hormone replacement. There are antidepressants and anxiety meds. There is therapy. Meditation. Exercise. Time spent outdoors. Yoga. Acupuncture. Massages. There are numerous recommended supplements that reportedly help relieve midlife ailments, including Magnesium L-Threonate, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, melatonin, and others. There are herbs like Black Cohosh, Vitex Berry, and other natural solutions–where legal–such as cannabis (CBD and THC). And the list goes on and on.

While I’m still creating a personal map to help me navigate the terrain of midlife, I have found some “guidebooks.” Books I’ve turned to for knowledge–and often, humor–include: Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, by Ada Calhoun,  I Feel Bad About My Neck, by Nora Ephron, I See You Made An Effort, by Annabelle Gurwitch, What Would Virginia Woolf Do?, by Nina Lorez Collins (who started a closed Facebook group with the same name that has now moved away from Facebook into its own app),  Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life, by Darcey Steinke, The Hormone Cure, by Sara Gottfried, The Wisdom of Menopause, by Christiane Northrup, and several others that my forgetful brain isn’t able to recall at the moment.

Our experience in this wilderness that is midlife can feel lonely. 

This is a good time to mention that we are in a Loneliness Epidemic in the United States. Some 50% of Americans report feeling lonely. This is compared to just 20% in the 1980s. During a time when we’ve never been more connected, we are increasingly lonely. Loneliness doesn’t only bring emotional suffering that results in increased rates of depression, anxiety, and rates of suicide, but also results in real health ramifications. One Cigna study reported that experiencing loneliness is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. People who regularly experience loneliness are more likely to get sick and to live shorter lives.

I’ve been doing research and writing on belonging and loneliness and will be publishing a separate blog post about that soon.  But I mention loneliness here because it’s relevant. If you’re a midlife woman, experiencing even just some of the many symptoms of perimenopause, it’s likely you’ll sometimes experience loneliness. I know I have experienced loneliness, despite the fact I have a number of friends and good people in my life.

But I offer some encouragement: We’re not alone. At least we don’t have to be.

The most helpful medicine I’ve found so far for the challenges of perimenopause and all things midlife–of all of the solutions I’ve purchased or tried–has been connecting with other women. I have found support and guidance from the women in my life, including my mother, my sisters and my friends, and all of the women I have coached or worked with who are experiencing midlife or who have gone before me and made it to the other side of The Change. I find tremendous comfort in the meaningful conversations and intimate sharing of knowledge and experiences that result when women in midlife are together.

So I would like to facilitate more of that.

I’m launching a new program called “Epic Midlife Women.” If you’re a woman in your 40s or 50s, dealing with any of the things I’ve mentioned in this blog post, then I’m looking for you.

This program will bring together women who are in their midlife. It’s an opportunity to be inspired, to meet and get to know other women we wouldn’t otherwise meet who are facing similar challenges and opportunities, to learn from each other and to share about personal experiences, including strategies and methods for dealing with the many physiological and psychological symptoms that come with being a woman in her midlife, to dare to be more honest and courageous in our life, and to have some fun in the process!

If you’re tired of reading, here’s a personal video message for you:

Unlike my other Epic programs, this one will take place at a spa and resort in Las Vegas. (I’m still firming up the resort, but you can be assured it will be a wonderful resort in an ideal location for such a gathering.)

The dates are Thursday, Feb. 27-Sunday, March 1. There are 18-24 spots available, and this program is being offered on a first-come, first-serve basis. (*Because of the limited size, I’m limiting the age range for this particular gathering to women in their 40s and 50s.)

Program Overview: On the first afternoon, I’ll kick off the gathering with my “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field” keynote presentation. This is the presentation I’m hired to deliver to organizations, conferences, and leadership groups in an effort to inspire their people to take stock of their life and/or leadership and to be more courageous. (I have been hired to share this presentation with women leaders at Turner Networks, women leaders at Johnson & Johnson, the Women’s Summit at Fiat Chrysler, and others.) The presentation will open you up and “prime” you so that you get the most out of our time together.

On one of the days, we’ll be transported as a group to a beautiful nearby natural destination for some light hiking, and offsite programming. On the other two days, I’ll provide approximately 4-5 hours of programming, leaving plenty of time for rest and relaxation, time by the pool and/or spa treatments. We’ll also have a “moon ceremony” one evening.

The “Epic Midlife Women” program will include many of the components I incorporate in my coaching, presentation, and other Epic programs, but will follow a new format. This program will be more of an event and gathering than an adventure, and the content will be geared to women who are in the middle of their life. There will be a lot of facilitated, as well as organic, conversation, connection, and sharing. (Upon signup, I will ask you if there are particular topics you’d like included, and I’ll consider adding them if they’re not already included.)

While I’ve put a lot of thought into, and am excited about the event’s programming, no question, one of the most valuable aspects of the Epic Midlife Women program will be bringing a diverse group of midlife women together in one space. By the end of our time together, you’ll feel wiser, energized, more clear, inspired, motivated, courageous and hopeful about your life. And you will have made some new friends and unforgettable memories.

The cost to participate in the program is $1,500, not including travel, lodging*, most meals or spa treatments. I hope you’ll sign up and be a part of what will hopefully be the first of many Epic Midlife Women gatherings to follow. (*See note at bottom of this post for approximate lodging and spa treatment costs.)

Thank you for considering the program, and for sharing it with women you know who are in their 40s and 50s and looking for a program like this one.

If you’d like more information about the Epic Midlife Women program, coaching, or any of my programs or services, or to schedule a call with me, please email me at coach@yourepiclife.com.

Presenting to the Fiat Chrysler Women’s Leadership Summit.

Some backstory:

I’m 51 and married to Jerry, and we have three sons. I live on the frontier of Wyoming. Among other things, I’m an entrepreneur. My first company was Yellowstone Journal Corporation and YellowstonePark.com, which I started in 1994 and in 2008 sold to Active Interest Media (the owner of Backpacker, Climbing, Yoga Journal, etc.) Then, in 2011, after reinventing my health and myself, I started Epic Life Inc.

For the last 8 years, I’ve been providing personal, one-on-one life and leadership coaching to women and men who live throughout the U.S. I’ve coached close to 200 leaders. (Leader is my term for the people I coach–I consider everyone a leader.) These wonderful humans range from CEO of a large global company to VPS and CMOs, entrepreneurs, HR professionals, creative directors, directors of marketing, artists, architects, attorneys, writers, financial consultants, therapists, non-profit directors, philanthropists, stay-at-home moms, and more.

Mostly, I coach people over the phone. However, for some of my clients, I offer Epic programs that bundle personal coaching with a guided Epic Adventure. I provide backpacking and mountain climbing expeditions in Wyoming’s Wind River Range, as well as Epic programs in Zion National Park, and other national park regions, where we enjoy phenomenal day hiking with luxurious lodging each night.

I offer programs for women, couples, leadership teams, and custom groups, but my most popular program is my “Epic Women” program, which was also the inspiration for starting Epic Life. (Note: I also offer custom programs for groups of friends, private women’s gatherings, etc. Hit me up if you have a Girls’ trip or a weekend planned and would like to hire me. I’m an excellent trip and adventure planner and leader, and I have a wide range of topics and conversations that are perfectly suited for women in any stage of life that I can facilitate for your group/getaway.) Click HERE for an overview of all of my programs and services.

Or please email me if you’d like to learn more about coaching or any of my programs, or to schedule a call.

Epic Women, enjoying sunrise from Angels Landing, in Zion National Park.

Shelli, leading women in her backyard, Wyoming’s Wind River Range.

Leading Epic Women on an epic day hike in Zion National Park.

Leading Epic Women through the Narrows, in Zion National Park.

Posing with women leaders at the Arthur M Blank Family of Businesses in Atlanta.

Note: Approximate cost for accommodations during the Epic Midlife Women program will be $250-$400 per room per night, or approx $900-1,300.00 per person for a 3-night stay. To save on lodging costs, women may opt to share a room. (I will provide you with the necessary instructions for making your room reservations directly, under the group discounted block.) Spa treatments run $180-350 each and are not included in the package.

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