Posts Tagged ‘relationships’
August 22nd, 2021
Today, Jerry and I celebrate 29 years of marriage! We were married in Missoula, MT, and on this day in 1992, following a week of perfect summer weather, it snowed and was only 32 degrees! I’ll never forget that blissful day, though, when we celebrated our love and union with our family and closest friends.
Jerry and I met at a wedding in Omaha in 1990. At the time, he was a physical therapy tech in the Air Force, stationed in Dayton, OH, and I was finishing Journalism school at the University of Montana, in Missoula. Ours was a long distance relationship and we fell in love through handwritten letters, many “long distance” phone calls and frequent trips between Missoula and Dayton.
Last night, as Jerry and I celebrated our anniversary over a delicious meal at Cowfish, we reminisced about our first outdoor adventure together. Jerry had flown to Montana to visit me and I had planned what would be our first backpacking trip together.
I chose Sapphire Lake, in northwest Montana’s Flathead National Forest, for our destination. It was a challenging hike to Sapphire Lake–7.5 miles with 3,100’ of elevation gain. After a hot and dusty and challenging effort that took several hours, we arrived at Sapphire Lake in late afternoon, and by all indications we had the lake all to ourselves.
We hurried to set up our tent and start a fire. We were beat so couldn’t wait to get off our feet and to relax. Our hiking boots had gotten wet during the last stretch of the hike so we set our boots on the rocks of the fire ring so the heat of the fire would dry them.
We found a perfect slab of granite on the edge of camp where we could recline and dangle our tired, protesting feet in the lake’s frigid waters. After snarfing some trail mix, Jerry cracked open a bottle of wine. We were too tired to rummage in our backpacks for cups so we took turns drinking from the bottle.
The sun was starting to set and we were too tired to cook so we ate salami, aged cheddar, crackers, and red grapes for dinner, which Jerry had arranged on a frisbee that doubled as a platter.
Soon it was night. There was only a sliver of a moon and the sky exploded with stars. We spied the Big Dipper and Orion’s Belt. (BTW, did you know our Milky Way is just one about 1 billion galaxies and that are an estimated 200 billion stars in the Milky Way alone?) Then, out of nowhere, the sky was filled with swirls of green and pink. Aurora Borealis! At the time, I had known very little about the Northern Lights and had no idea we would get to see them on our trip. We were completely rapt as we watched streaks and flickers of green and pink paint the sky.
The display took our breath away and for a while we said nothing. We laid there, holding hands, our backs on the cold granite slab with our feet now out of the water. The only sound we could hear were of trout jumping in the lake. Tired, buzzed on wine, newly in love, and enraptured by what was happening above, I knew I was experiencing a moment I would never forget. Eventually, we nodded off.
At around 1am, the cold air woke us and we stumbled, bare feet and in the dark, to find our way to camp, where our fire had burned out and was smoldering. We poured some water on it to make sure it was out before tumbling into the tent and falling fast to sleep.
The next morning, when we got up to make coffee, we realized that one of my boots had been almost entirely burned up and consumed by the fire the night before. (It must have fallen into the flames while we had been basking under the northern lights and slumbering lakeside.) I didn’t have any extra shoes so a day later, when our time at Sapphire Lake came to an end, I had to hike the 7 rugged downhill miles in only 1 boot! By the way, this is such a fitting part of the story, as Jerry has always been there to support me when I feel, or find myself ill-equipped.
That was 30 years ago and since then, we have been on countless adventures throughout the country and the world.
I have learned that marriage is very much like an Epic Adventure. There are so many observations, discoveries, insights, and inspirations along the way, and also challenges, adversity, uncertainty, and unexpected hazards.
I wouldn’t trade our experiences–including the wonderful and the difficult–for anything because they’ve helped to shape our relationship and solidify our love for and commitment to one another.
And of course, the greatest adventure of all for us has been raising, parenting, and sharing adventures with our three amazing sons, Wolf, Hayden, and Fin.
Happy anniversary to the love of my life. Jerry: I love you for always and forever.
Thanks for stopping by to read my blog. I appreciate it very much!
An assortment of photos captured over the years:
April 20th, 2016
[WOMEN: I’m recruiting for Epic Women program. This is a life-changing program that bundles life coaching and a 5-day guided Epic backpacking adventure in my backyard, Wyoming’s Wind River Range. Adventure arrives/departs Jackson Hole, July 24-30. Email me if you’re interested. Time’s running out!]
Lately I’ve been traveling a fair amount to deliver my keynote presentation, “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field.” Most recently, I presented to leaders in the SapientNitro offices in Atlanta and Miami and to tourism leaders in Colorado’s Park County. Next week I’ll present in Casper, WY, before traveling to Denver, and then to Charlottesville, VA.
Howdy.
I love presenting because I get to share some of the most important things I’ve learned. I have coached 115 individual leaders from throughout the U.S. during the last 5 years. I’ve learned so much from these amazing people, and my work with them, and my presentation is an effort to share some of what I’ve learned.
From this work and these amazing leaders, I’ve gleaned 20+ lessons. In a 1-hour keynote, I have enough time to cover only 5-7 of the lessons. Once hired to be a keynote presenter, I talk with promoters of the event, or leaders in the organization, to learn more about what their current challenges are, and from there, I select which lessons to include in the presentation.
One that makes the cut, no matter what, is “Our People Make Us Better.”
Hopefully all of us know that the people in our life, and the quality of our relationships, impact our health and well being. It is worthwhile, then, for us to make sure we have great people, and meaningful relationships, in our life.
What I’ve learned in addition, though, is that when we do something Epic – something that isn’t easy, and that at times is so challenging the outcome is uncertain – the experience causes us to become more than we were before. But as importantly, perhaps more importantly, the people we share that experience with cause us to become better. I know this is the truth! I have experienced this personally, and I have witnessed it with others countless times.
Jim Rohn used to say we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. This is also true. Because the 5 people or groups of people we spend the most time with influence us and our life so much, we ought to pay a lot of attention to who these people are. I encourage leaders all of the time to take stock of their 5, and to consider “breaking up” with any whose values are not in alignment with their own, or with those who are sucking the energy and life out of them. These 5 can help make our life wonderful or terrible.
With a lot of support and help from my husband, and my parents, I started my first company, Yellowstone Journal and YellowstonePark.com in 1994. Over the course of 15 years, our fantastic team and I grew the business, and in 2008, we sold it to Active Interest Media (the owner of Backpacker, Yoga Journal, Climbing, etc.). When we sold the company, by all indications, things for me were great. After all, I had a loving husband, three healthy and wonderful sons, and we had just sold the business we started and built to a company I respected.
But things weren’t all great. Not with me, anyway. I was about 30 pounds overweight, and quite sedentary. I could go on a hike but I was out of shape and paid a big price for it when I did. I was addicted to my gadgets and “always on.” I wasn’t present… I know that sounds cliché, but the truth is I wasn’t present. I was preoccupied and distracted. I was drinking wine on too many week nights. This wasn’t a problem, but I knew it could become one if it continued. And, I was depressed. I actually went to the doctor for depression.
After no fewer than two years of some serious self loathing (usually late at night after Jerry and the boys were fast asleep), and most notably, feeling regret for letting yet another day pass without my taking a step to improve my health, I burned the ships. In early 2009, I hired a personal trainer, and soon after, I gave up all complex carbohydrates (before it was called “paleo”). I made other important changes to my life too. I restricted some of my use of technology (didn’t “let” my phone into the kitchen, dining room or bedroom, etc.) It took a while, but soon, everything got better. I lost 30 pounds in a year, and had more energy and vigor than I had ever had in my life, and That was six years ago when I was a 41-year-old! Everything – and I do mean everything – was better. Is better.
I share this story not to brag, but to illustrate the fact that there is NO WAY I would have been able to transform my life in the way that I did without having the right 5 people in my life.
These people we surround ourself with are that critical. I will always be grateful to my family and my friends, and to the mentors/coaches I had in place at the time.
So, who are your 5? And do you need to make some changes? I challenge you to do this work. It’s for your life, after all.
My #1 – my husband and sons – with me on top of a mountain we climbed in SW Utah recently.
The people I coach, guide and work with are also in my 5. Here’s a photo from a mountain climb during my Epic Women expedition last July.
WOMEN: I’m recruiting for Epic Women program. This is a life-changing program that bundles life coaching, wellness and a 5-day guided Epic backpacking adventure in my backyard, Wyoming’s Wind River Range. Adventure arrives/departs Jackson Hole, July 24-30. Email me if you’re interested. Time’s running out to be a part of this program!
April 7th, 2015
About three weeks ago, I was driving my Prius to a trailhead about 10 miles from town when the “maintenance required” alert came on. It’s still on because I still haven’t taken the car in for its service, or to have it looked at for anything that may need repaired.
Howdy.
Seeing this alert always reminds me of what it feels like when I’m not honoring a value, or when I’m ignoring or avoiding something or someone yearning for my attention.
In my work with others, and in my own life, I emphasize and value the importance of having clarity about who and what are most important, and knowing what our values are. Having this awareness is critical to our well being. The more self awareness and clarity we have, the more we feel it when we ignore these people or things that matter so much to us, or when we fail to honor our values. It’s as if our own “service engine soon”, or “maintenance required” alert comes on.
Is this happening for you right now?
I’m not talking about feelings of guilt, necessarily, but those can also provide constructive signals. I view feelings of guilt as being those twinges (or feelings similar to heavy bricks weighting us down) that we experience when we’re not delivering on others’ expectations of us. Guilt, by the way, isn’t always a negative thing, despite the inconvenience it often causes us.
Brené Brown said it best in a post called Shame v. Guilt: I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful – it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.
I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.
I have grown to sense when I’m not fulfilling a value or relationship in the way I would like to. Some examples: I want to have meaningful connections with each of my three sons on a regular basis – several times each day. I want the same with my husband. I want to carve out time to spend with my mom and my dad, my closest friends, and so on. When I’m not honoring any of these wishes, I sense it. It’s like a signal or an alert. Sometimes it can be many signals going off at once. Usually, for me, these “signals” come in the form of waking in the night and realizing what is out of check.
Another example is writing. I want to write more frequently. This is an important goal of mine. And yet I haven’t been honoring it. (My last post here was March 16!)
Like the “maintenance required” alert that is currently on (and has been for 3 weeks!), when I drive my Prius, when we ignore or fail to honor a relationship or value that’s important to us, we can probably continue to ignore it for a while without major consequence. But sooner or later, if it goes unchecked, it’s also possible that we’ll find ourselves a little (or a lot) broken down on the side of the road.
Thankfully, tending to our people, values and goals – our best, most Epic life – is something we have control over.
I dare you to take a minute – or 5 minutes – right now. Reflect on signals you’re receiving/feeling but ignoring. Address one or more of them TODAY. I think that you’ll find that your life will almost suddenly feel more at ease. You will immediately be happier.
As for me, I wrote this post. I’m also going to reach out to some people I haven’t been making a high enough priority. And, I think I’ll schedule an appointment for my Prius this week – if for no other reason than to get the alert to go away. 🙂
Thank you so much for reading. I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to share about your own “alerts” or anything you’d like to contribute to this topic and post.
