The following is a holiday letter from me & Epic Life Inc. (Click on the image to access the letter.)
The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.”
Certainly, that been the case for me. In the last 10 years, I’ve walked 26,000 miles, and in the process, I’ve had some truly great thoughts.
One of my best truly great thoughts came while hiking 11 years ago and it would become my inspiration for starting Epic Life Inc. I imagined a program that would use the wilderness as a platform from which people could practice doing the hard work, and developing the skills that living one’s epic life, and/or being an impactful leader require. I call such experiences “Epics,” and they are more than just a guided outdoor adventure.
Recently, I had the honor of being a guest on a podcast called Outside In. The podcast is brought to us by world-class experience designers Joel Krieger and Pavani Yalla. The episode of my conversation with them is called The Wilderness Inside and I hope you’ll listen to it.
The conversation with Joel and Pavani was enlivening for me. Due to their curiosity and terrific questions, they captured in our conversation my “Epics” mission better than I have been able to articulate in the almost 11 years I’ve been creating and providing them.
If you listen to it and/or share it, I thank you with all of my heart.
I have walked/hiked 26,000 miles in the last 10 years. Some of those miles have been logged hiking this favorite training route in my backyard, the foothills of Wyoming’s Wind River Range.
I’m offering free exploratory calls during this challenging and uncertain time to anyone who is looking to make some changes to their life and who might like to work with me as a coach. Email me at coach@yourepiclife.com to schedule a call.
The title of this blog is a favorite quote from the late Joseph Campbell.
It is difficult and painful to experience the darkness in our lives. It’s easier–and feels “safer”–to avoid it. But in daring to enter the cave and grapple with its darkness, we may finally gain the ability to be free.
This story begins with a fond childhood memory.
When I was a young girl, I often hung out with Allyson, a friend from my neighborhood. We spent summer days wandering and playing outside and being creative. One very fond memory I have is of all the times I used to go to Allyson’s house. It would be a hot summer day and my recollection is that her mom would often be ironing. This was good news for us because it meant that Allyson’s mom was otherwise encumbered. It was also advantageous that her mom kept the curtains closed in an effort to keep the house cool. The closed curtains were key to concealing our shenanigans.
Hi there! (Photo by Christy Chin)
Allyson and I would take a step ladder from the side of the house and we’d situate it by the trunk of her parents’ green Toronado, which was parked in their driveway. I’d climb the ladder and tumble into the car’s trunk. Allyson closed the trunk and would then drive the car in and out of the driveway, over and over again. I’m not sure which one of us had the most fun but I can assure you we both had a lot of fun doing this because we did it often, and I always climbed into the trunk willingly and without coercion or bribery. I don’t know how old we were but we must have been young, and little, if I needed a stepladder to climb into the car’s trunk.
Why am I sharing such a memory? I share it because we can gain valuable insights while reflecting on how we chose to spend our free time during childhood.
People hire me to be their coach for a variety of reasons. One of the most common is when a person is contemplating a career change. They are burned out or their work and/or leadership role lacks meaning. They aren’t feeling fulfilled and they want to make a change, but they aren’t certain of the new path.
When working with someone who wants to reinvent himself/herself, I facilitate a lot of guided self-reflection. Among other things, I like to ask how they spent their free time when they were a kid. This isn’t an original idea, but rather a strategy that is often used in an effort to mine for passions and purpose. In fact, I know many people who are fulfilled in their work and when asked how they spent their free time during childhood can indeed see connections between their current work role and their childhood interests.
Lately, I’ve been recalling how I spent my own free time as a kid. And it’s all so telling.
I don’t think riding in the trunk of Allyson’s parents’ Toronado relates directly to my current calling, but I do think it speaks to my sense of adventure and to my mischievous nature. It’s fair to say that sometimes, especially when I’m with my girlfriends, I like to just barely stay out of trouble. I also like to create fun out of any task and perhaps that’s what I was doing when Allyson proposed putting me in the trunk. LOL. I also like amusement park rides so there’s that too. Her driveway had a steep curb so it was a pretty exciting ride in the trunk, and we didn’t have to pay for tickets or stand in line to get the adrenaline rush.
One of my earliest childhood memories is from an afternoon when I was sitting next to my Dad on our front step. We were watching as my older sister, Alicia, and (seemingly) all of the other neighbor kids, raced on their bikes up and down our street, and I wanted in on the action.
I asked–nagged–my Dad if I could get a bike and join them, to which my Dad said something to the effect of, “When you’re six you can get a bike and do it too.” I don’t share this to criticize my Dad, who has been my biggest champion and an important influence in my life and my work, but rather to suggest how his response would instruct and inform my future and my life. It was the beginning of my wanting to be able to do things when I wanted to and when I had the capability, rather than when someone else said I could. It was the beginning of my penchant for leveling up.
Speaking of nagging, my Dad used to call me “Little Miss Nag.” He did it lovingly, and it may seem like not a nice thing to call your kid, but I didn’t mind it. He was of course referring to my ability to persuade. If I wanted something bad enough, I could really put the sell on, and with enough nagging, I was often able to close the deal. In fact, even though I don’t like selling, I’m pretty good at it. My first and only career job was when I was fresh out of Journalism school and I was hired to be an advertising sales manager at The Missoulian, Missoula, Montana’s daily newspaper. I did well in that role. My next three work roles included a lot of sales and although I grew to not like selling, it was something that I was good at and that seemed to come naturally. No doubt a benefit of all the experience I had from nagging my parents as a child.
Another memory I have with Allyson is all of the puppet shows she and I performed at her house. We sure had some good times together! We’d not only host and perform puppet shows, we marketed them. I remember designing posters with crayons, and Allyson and I would hang them all over the neighborhood and even go door to door, marketing our puppet shows. This is an obvious connection because marketing has been an aspect of every one of my jobs and definitely a skill I utilized often in starting and running and growing our first company, Yellowstone Journal Corporation, and continue to use with my current company, Epic Life Inc.
I also remember putting on presentations in our backyard. I remember one time our family had spent the afternoon at Louis Lake. I brought back a jar full of water with some tadpoles I had caught. I marketed the presentation to our neighborhood. Many neighborhood kids showed up and as I was presenting about tadpoles, they were restless and kept interrupting and asking what refreshments I was going to serve them. I remember going inside to round up some snacks, and all I could find were Saltine crackers, which I served along with cups of water. They devoured them and in the process, suffered through my educational presentation about tadpoles. This makes me laugh. The connection of course is that I am a keynote presenter even if I’m no longer presenting about tadpoles. And it’s no wonder that I appreciate and love it when I present to an organization or conference and there is catered food provided, and sometimes even an open bar, during my presentation.
I also have many fond memories of my “ventures” with one of my closest childhood friends, Tracy Chapman. Not the singer Tracy Chapman, but a different and very special Tracy Chapman who unfortunately passed away far too early some years ago.
Tracy and I used to “polish” rocks and display them on a TV Tray on her driveway. (By polished, I mean we ran water from a garden hose over the rocks to make them look shiny.) We sold them for 25 cents each. Our venture was quite successful. Charitable adults from the neighborhood always bought our polished rocks, just enough to fund our snack needs. After reaching our sales goal, we’d close down shop, and Tracy and I would take the revenue generated and walk to the nearby Lander Golf Course clubhouse and spend it all on junk food and soda. We’d sit on the curb, enjoying the fruits of our labor while talking about boys and other things that young girls talked about in those days. I don’t sell polished rocks and thankfully, I don’t eat junk food like I did then, but perhaps this experience was a clue to the entrepreneurship that would become the way I have made a living for the past 25-plus years.
I also remember promoting and performing dance routines with the Wolfe girls. Shelly, Wina, and Kendra Wolfe were my sisters’ and my best friends for much of our childhood. We were all in AAU Swimming at the time, so we’d hold “talent shows” for our parents and their friends. We’d wear our matching swimsuits and perform carefully choreographed dance routines to songs like Chic’s Le Freak, Foreigner’s Hot Blooded, Ray Charles’ Hit the Road Jack, and other fantastic hits. (And, you guessed it, I recall providing Saltine crackers and cups of water for those shows too. I’m not sure why Saltine crackers were a staple, but they very obviously were.) Well, these dance shows are fond memories for me but I can’t see the connection between dance shows and any work I’ve done or am doing. Thank goodness. But I do love to dance, and Jerry and I often go to concerts and love dancing to EDM and reggae so maybe there’s a connection there. And of course these did include being in the front of the room, similar to when one gives a keynote presentation.
Growing up, I loved playing basketball. So much so that I was lucky enough to win a full-ride Division I basketball scholarship to the University of Montana after graduating from high school in 1986. Even though I blew out a knee my first season, then rode the bench and it eventually didn’t work out for me, it was one of the most informative experiences of my early adult life. And how it all came to be is insightful.
I was thinking about it the other day when I was reflecting on how literally, in a single moment, a person can make what seems like a trivial decision but as a result of it, one’s path takes a completely new course. I was in 6th grade and we were at recess. Until then I never had any experience or desire to play basketball. I don’t think I ever even noticed the basketball courts despite walking over them often. One day, during recess, a girl named Jackie Massey asked me if I wanted to shoot hoops and I said Yes.
It wasn’t long and I was sinking some shots. Instantly I was in love. (Thank you, Jackie!) I not only played basketball through junior high and high school and into college, but I recall spending free time on the weekends shooting hoops on Lander’s various school playgrounds with my best friends at the time, Tina Campbell and Jody (Tann) Thompson. We spent hours of our free time shooting hoops, while playing tunes by The Cars and Gino Vanelli and Bon Jovi on our boombox and drinking too much Mountain Dew, in between our games of P.I.G. and 21. If not for Jackie asking me to shoot hoops with her that day, I almost certainly wouldn’t have attended the University of Montana and I wouldn’t have lost my scholarship, both things that continue to inform my life. If not for discovering my love for basketball when I was 10, my life would be very different and I’m glad it isn’t because I love my life so much.
I have so many memories from the Winters of my childhood. For about 15 years, cross country skiing has been my favorite winter sport. When I think about my earliest memories of cross country skiing, a particular memory comes to mind.
My grandparents (my mom’s parents) were visiting from Iowa, and my parents thought it would be fun to take them cross country skiing up Sinks Canyon. We went to the only store at the time in Lander that rented ski gear and they didn’t have skis or boots that fit my younger sister, Amber, or I. So my Dad figured Amber and I would just make do using our downhill skis. And boots. Yes, you read that correctly. I went country skiing in my downhill boots and skis.
I have pretty big calf muscles (I appreciate their strength but not their size), and there is no question that I developed them in those one or two cross country ski outings, while wearing my downhill ski boots. The memory also provides some insight into my belief that we can go farther than we think we can, and that I value working hard. 🙂
When I was 8 years old, we moved “to the country” (from town to Squaw Creek), and one of my new best friends was Erica Davis. I adored her. She lived about a mile up the road from us and I’ll never forget the first time I was allowed to ride my bike alone on the “highway” to Erica’s house. Erica and I spent full days exploring the outdoors, daring to catch and hold horny toads, and playing the red dirt and on the red rocks. We also spent hours together in the car as our parents took turns carpooling us to our various activities. During that time, Erica’s family was generous in inviting me to join them on a trip to Santa Fe and Albuquerque and other great destinations and I’ll never forget how my love of travel was sparked.
I also remember all the weekends our family spent going to Yellowstone and Grand Teton national parks, as well as up the Loop Road, to Louis Lake in particular, and also throughout the Oregon Buttes and Red Desert regions. We’d go on long drives and go on lots of picnics. I am certain that these outdoor experiences and adventures inspired my love for Wyoming and my great love for the outdoors and picnics, never-ending “exploratory” road trips, and my love for family adventure.
One of my biggest champions and encouragers when it comes to writing is my dear friend, Jamie. As young girls in elementary school in Lander, Wyoming, we were the best of friends. I was a prolific letter-writer (and note-passer) in grade school. Admitting I was a note-passer sure reveals how old I am, doesn’t it? Today’s kids, including my own, and including kids for many years now, have likely not passed notes in school because they don’t write notes. I’m guessing a similar act is being performed in classes but letter-writing and note-passing have probably been replaced by sharing Instagram and funny videos on one’s cell phone.
Anyway, Jamie was the recipient of most of my notes. Jamie and her family moved away from Lander for a few years before returning, and we remained close in high school. But after high school, as friendships so often do, ours faded and we lost touch. Some 30 years passed before we’d reunite. Lucky for me, Jamie stumbled across some marketing on Facebook for my Epic Women program, which she signed up for in 2014.
It has been one of the greatest blessings of my life to reconnect with Jamie so many years later, particularly during this “midlife” stage of our lives. Among other things, Jamie and I share a love of reading. We often gift each other books, and her recommendations are always good ones. In one of the books she gave to me, she wrote the quote, “Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold.” In my friendship with Jamie, I indeed have struck both silver and gold.
When we reconnected, Jamie reminded me of our earlier days. She reminded me how I dreamed of being a Writer during my early years, and that I’d often include sample stories for her to read in the notes I wrote and passed to her during class. Although I graduated from college with a Journalism degree and frequently used it as a publisher for a community newspaper in Winner, SD, from 1992-1994, and while reporting on travel- and Yellowstone Park-related news and features for our two magazines and website when we had Yellowstone Journal Corporation and YellowstonePark.com, I had forgotten about my original, childhood dream of wanting to be a Writer. Rekindling my friendship with Jamie has rekindled my dream of wanting to be a Writer. In Jamie, I have a champion who encourages me to write and thinks of me as a Writer.
Currently, I’m writing a book. Actually, there are two books I’ve been “working” on–the one I need to write and the one I want to write. But that’s a different story. My point here is that Jamie is holding me accountable to my goal of writing a book. The fact that our friendship goes back to my earliest days of writing stories is significant.
I could go on and on, but I’ve already written too many words. If you’ve read this far, I thank you. It means a lot to me.
As I wrap this blog post up, it occurs to me that friends and family have been an important part of my early life and experiences. I’m grateful for their role in the life I lead today. It’s also clear that I loved spending time outside and being creative, things that are big parts of my work and my life today.
I encourage you to think of your own childhood and how you chose to spend your free time as a child. See if there are insights or connections you can make with your current work and life. Consider if incorporating some of your childhood passions into your life might enrich it.
In the last 6 years, I’ve worked with hundreds of people. I’ve coached them, presented to them, helped them facilitate leadership development, or guided them on an Epic Adventure. I have learned so much, and have been so inspired by these wonderful human beings – and by all of the wonderful people I am blessed to have in my life. This short video is about the most important thing I’ve learned in this work I do. I hope you’ll watch it, and if you do, I thank you so much for your time.
If you, or someone you know, could use some loving support, encouragement and daring, I’d love a chance to be your/their champion. Email me and we can schedule a call to see if I might be what you’re looking for.
Thank you so much for stopping by. And speaking of thanks, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!
If you are looking to change your life, then I’m looking for you.
But first, a quick backstory: I’m 47 years old, and over the years, at various times, I have needed to change my life. Working with a life coach on several occasions has helped me to transform my life.
What is a life coach? That is a great question, and one that I get asked often.
Hi there.
My 7-year-old son, Finis (“Fin”), once explained, “my mom takes people up tall mountains, and also talks to people on the phone at night and makes money while doing it.” Both are true. I guide people up tall mountains when clients sign up for a guided Epic Adventure with me, and, I often have coaching calls with clients in the evening to accommodate their busy schedules, for which I am paid.
Most of all, I do help people climb tall mountains – but they are their mountains, not mine. In the last 5 years, I’ve worked with, and coached, more than 100 individuals in some capacity. I’ve worked with women, men, and leadership teams. I’ve learned a lot from the work, and the people I champion.
Epic Life Offerings...
I describe what I do this way: Someone who wants to, or has to, climb a tall mountain – i.e. make, or endure, a big change in their life – will often enlist me as a coach to help them make the climb. People hire me when they’re thinking about (metaphorically) climbing the mountain, or when they are at the base of said mountain. Often I get “called in” when they’re already en route up the mountain but they hit a particularly difficult patch and they feel they can’t go it alone. They want to stay the course, but could use some help. Rather than bailing and giving up on the climb, they hire me as their coach.
In other words, I’m not a helicopter that gets called in. I’m not in the rescue business. Rather, people hire me to help them lean in and stay and persevere through the hard part(s) of their life. I’m in the championing and “guiding” business.
I’d love to work with you, or your organization. Please check out this brochure or email me to schedule a call.
You have an Epic Life. The question is, are you living it?
We have a golden retriever named Buddy. He is such an awesome dog. He is our constant companion and a vital member of our family.
My Buddy – lying around and waiting...
Do you have a dog? If so, what is he/she doing right now? I know – what an odd question for a blog on this site. But stay with me, I’m getting to the point, and it’s a good one…
I live in Wyoming, in a small mountain town, and we get out a lot. (Our family’s rule is “if our fingernails aren’t dirty, we aren’t having fun.”) This is all to say that Buddy gets out. A. Lot.
But lately I’ve been so busy at my computer and on the phone developing my business and trying to book more clients and work, that days have gone by where Buddy doesn’t get out. When this happens, Buddy’s life is pretty mediocre. Sure, I keep him company. We’re home all day together as I work. I have great intentions… But mostly – and I’m very sad to admit this – Buddy is not paid enough attention when I’m consumed by my work.
So, Buddy moves around from couch to recliner to the floor, just laying there, waiting, and hoping that his master will get her hiking shoes on and motion for him to leave the house to go out and… live.
Seeing Buddy lay there, waiting to be tended to and played with, reminds me of my Epic Life – the times when it’s with me, but I’m not living it. I hope you’re doing better than I am this week! I resolve to do better by Buddy (and my epic life) next week…
Thank you for listening. I would love to hear your thoughts and get some comments and conversation going about this. 🙂
P.S. If you’re interested in life and leadership coaching, a keynote presenter to light a fire for your team or organization, leadership development facilitation, or a guided Epic adventure that’s bundled with life coaching and a training program that will get you in the best shape of your life, please check out this brochure or email me to schedule a call.
People ask me what I do. I tell them I’m a life coach. Instead of answering their question, this response often generates a confused look.
The confused then follow up by asking, What’s a life coach?
As a life coach, I encourage, and help, people to climb the mountains in their lives.
By the way, an epic life is not a perfect life. An epic life is a life lived on purpose. Living on purpose is not easy. If it were, everyone would be doing it.
To live on purpose is to experience struggle, sometimes frequently. It’s hard saying yes; it’s hard saying no; it’s hard letting people in; it’s hard setting boundaries; it’s hard doing the right thing; it’s hard honoring your values 24/7; it’s hard to work less; it’s hard to honor all the relationships that matter to you. The list goes on for all the choices one must make in order to live his or her best (epic) life.
The fact is, living a meaningful life is hard. This is not bad news.
Most of us don’t want to do difficult things. I understand this. I often don’t want to, either, despite my understanding for the point in doing them. But I would argue that it is not despite hardship that we grow. It is often because of it.
In life, there are mountains to climb, some of them seemingly insurmountable.
As a life coach, my mission is to inspire and encourage others to choose to climb these mountains and to support them in the process. I believe that, in most cases, what is on the other side is worth it. I believe this with all of my might. (But, at the very least, the views are better from up high, and you become more skillful and experienced at climbing mountains and enduring struggle. You become more as a result of your climbs.)
So, that’s the best way I can describe what I do. And, it is an honor for me to do this work. Thank you for your support. I am grateful.
(Next up: Tools for discovering your life’s purpose. It is fun and important work to do.)
I have been going on epic wilderness adventures for more than 25 years. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this: There is no better (not to mention more inspiring) platform from which to practice doing the work that living on purpose — and living your most epic life — requires, than the wilderness.
Like on an epic adventure where a storm comes in, conditions in our lives are not always ideal. Still, we press on.
In the wilderness, you may come to a river. You must cross it to carry out your mission. You may come to a tall mountain, and you will have to climb it to move the expedition forward. It may snow and blow and rain. You have to deal.
Tori Murden McClure, the first woman to row across the Atlantic, and author of A Pearl in the Storm, said it best at a presentation I heard her give last October: “There is no such thing as good weather or bad weather, only inconvenient weather.
The emotions, struggles and behaviors that occur on an epic wilderness expedition are the same systems that occur in our everyday lives, in work, at home, etc. Embarking on an epic wilderness expedition provides relevant, accelerated and inspiring practice.
I’m currently looking for 9 AMAZING WOMEN to fill the roster for Epic Life’s premier EPIC WOMEN program. The dates of the adventure, which I’m partnering with NOLS to provide, are Sept. 10-15. The program comes bundled with an epic adventure, coaching and continued support post-adventure.
Only 9 spots. Contact me if interested. (Only amazing women need apply)
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