“To survive, you must find yourself.” –Laurence Gonzales, Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why
Our packs were heavy and with each step, our feet sunk a few inches into the rain-soaked tundra. We were backpacking in Alaska’s Brooks Range. It had rained for the last two days, but now the sun was shining and we were excited to be in motion.
There were 10 of us, and we were part of a 14-day National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) expedition. The Brooks Range of Alaska is a 700-mile-long mountain range that stretches from West to East across the far north of Alaska and into Canada’s Yukon Territory. It is a vast wilderness.
During our time in the wilderness, we’d have no contact with our family and friends, or civilization for that matter, and all we’d have was the 50-55 pounds of food and gear we carried on our backs.
There were no roads or trails so each day, we’d chart our course through the arctic tundra and hopefully arrive at our final destination, which was marked on our map with a giant “X,” and was approximately 160 miles away.
On day two, after reviewing the maps, we charted our course. We estimated we had about
an 11-mile day ahead of us. After hiking for a couple of hours, my coursemates and I acknowledged that while we didn’t necessarily think we were lost, we weren’t feeling assured that we were on the right course. It was already going to be a long day; we didn’t want to make it any longer.
We decided to stop. We removed our hefty packs, unfolded the big topographical map on the ground, and began the process of trying to determine our location.
We did this by trying to match our physical surroundings to the features on our map and we struggled. At this point of the expedition, we were rookies, and still very much strangers. There were many tall mountains but they all looked the same.
My NOLS course in 2011 continues to positively inform my life.
After about 45 minutes of not figuring out where we were, a couple of us grew impatient, myself included. I stood up and put my backpack on. I was tired of not going anywhere and eager to get moving again.
But as I fidgeted, one of my coursemates said:
“With all due respect, I don’t think it’s a waste of time to figure out where we’re at, so we can figure out where we’re going.”
I never forgot his words, because first of all, if you’re in the wilderness, and you think youcould be off-course or lost, you should not keep going. Instead, you should S.T.O.P., which stands for Stop, Think, Observe, and Plan.
But mostly, I remembered his words because of how deeply they resonate with life. If we don’t know our location—who we are and how we want to be—it will be virtually impossible to achieve our goals, and to live a life that feels authentic.
I’ve learned that even when you don’t know the path forward, as long as you know your location–as long as you know who you are–you can never be lost.
If you’d like to read more stories like this one, I hope you’ll consider subscribing to my Substack, Epic Field Notes. (It’s free, and I’ll be sharing a variety of content there.)
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Next story: Pay Attention
(In April, I’m publishing my first book, Wayfinder: A Field Guide To Living Your Epic Life. The book is long overdue. As a writer, I’ve been toiling with it for years. But then last June, during a long solo hike in my beloved Wind Rivers, I had an epiphany: l had to become the person I wanted to be before I could write the book I wanted to write. And, well, it took a while! Going on 15 years to be exact. I hope you’ll consider reading the book when it comes out. But mostly, I thank you for being here.)
Do you have a pebble in your shoe? Among other things, I’m a coach, leadership consultant, and adventure guide. For clients who are looking for something particularly epic and transformative, I offer an assortment of guided Epic Adventures in the wilderness.
When my clients and I are at the trailhead, with our backpacks on and ready to embark on our Epic Adventure, I’ll offer my first–and one of the most important–instructions. This instruction is a metaphor for one of the most important instructions we can apply to our our life, too.
This is one of the lessons I share in my keynote presentation, “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field,” and that I incorporate into my coaching, leadership development facilitation, and other programs. (To learn more about my presentation, coaching, and Epic programs, please email me at coach@yourepiclife.com. Thanks for watching!)
I learned something interesting and helpful from famous documentary filmmaker Ken Burns while listening to a SmartLess podcast episode some months back. I’m sharing it here, as a short video, or if you prefer, you can skip over it and read about it.
I listen to a lot of podcasts and subscribe to a wide range, given I’m interested in so many different things. One of the podcasts I often listen to with my husband and three sons whenever we’re on a roadtrip is SmartLess, with Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett.
In September of 2021, Burns explained to Bateman, Hayes, and Arnett, that while filmmaking is an architectural and additive process, producing the final version of the film, or any creative pursuit for that matter, it is more of a subtractive process. A critical part is knowing what to edit out, what to remove.
Burns lives in New Hampshire, and he likened the film editing process to making maple syrup. He said it takes 40 gallons of tree sap in order to make 1 gallon of maple syrup. I appreciated this perspective and and the reminder that to make something exceptional–to get the good stuff–requires a lot of effort, time, and raw material. For more inspiring messages like this, please check back here weekly, or subscribe to the blog (at right).
For coaching and leadership clients who are looking for something epic, and more unique than run-of-the-mill executive coaching, I offer guided Epic Adventures in the wilderness. In this video, I share about the first instruction I share with my Epic clients when our backpacks are on, we’re standing at the trailhead, about to embark on our expedition.
This message isn’t profound but its implementation can be. Do you have a pebble in your shoe? Is there an issue or harmful behavior that is making your life more difficult? Is there a secret you’re keeping? Is there a change you need to make that you’re not making? Is there a brutal truth about yourself that you’re not confronting? A difficult conversation you’re needing to have with someone you love or lead that you’re not having? An important change you’re not ready to make?
Whatever it is, I challenge you to tend to it. It is difficult work, but not nearly as difficult as the situation we may find ourselves in down the road, years later, perhaps even a lifetime later at which point it will be so much worse, and even hard. We will wished we would had taken the time and made the effort to tend to the pebble sooner, when we still had the chance. (By the way, I know–I shouldn’t be chewing gum while talking to a video camera. At least I won’t come across as more polished than I am. LOL.)
Thank you for watching. For more inspiring messages like this, please check back weekly.
The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.”
Certainly, that been the case for me. In the last 10 years, I’ve walked 26,000 miles, and in the process, I’ve had some truly great thoughts.
One of my best truly great thoughts came while hiking 11 years ago and it would become my inspiration for starting Epic Life Inc. I imagined a program that would use the wilderness as a platform from which people could practice doing the hard work, and developing the skills that living one’s epic life, and/or being an impactful leader require. I call such experiences “Epics,” and they are more than just a guided outdoor adventure.
Recently, I had the honor of being a guest on a podcast called Outside In. The podcast is brought to us by world-class experience designers Joel Krieger and Pavani Yalla. The episode of my conversation with them is called The Wilderness Inside and I hope you’ll listen to it.
The conversation with Joel and Pavani was enlivening for me. Due to their curiosity and terrific questions, they captured in our conversation my “Epics” mission better than I have been able to articulate in the almost 11 years I’ve been creating and providing them.
If you listen to it and/or share it, I thank you with all of my heart.
I have walked/hiked 26,000 miles in the last 10 years. Some of those miles have been logged hiking this favorite training route in my backyard, the foothills of Wyoming’s Wind River Range.
Hi! My name is Shelli Johnson. I started Epic Life Inc. nine years ago. I offer a wide range of services and programs, and the following is an overview of most of them. (If you’d like to know more about me as you consider my programs or working with me, there’s a bio at the end of this page.)
The following are programs and services I offer, with some information about each.
EPIC MIDLIFE WOMEN: “Navigating the Wilds of Midlife”
Presenting to the Fiat Chrysler Women’s Leadership Summit.
Are you a woman in the middle of your life? If so, you may agree with me when I say the struggle is real. While midlife is a meaningful and beautiful stage of life–a time of harvest and reaping the benefits of years of striving, raising children (or not), overcoming challenges, making memories, and more–it can also be a hard and disorienting time.
It’s a time when our body is changing. And it’s no joke! We are approaching, or have arrived at, the end of our reproductive years. We experience physiological and psychological changes that can make it feel like all hell is breaking loose. These symptoms can last 4-12 years for women. (Note: Not all women struggle in perimenopause/midlife. There are some who sail through this stage without incident. I just don’t know any of them.)
Are you floundering a bit? Do you feel like you’re entering a new land–a wilderness–and it’s difficult to see a path through?
Thankfully, we have lots of places to look to for help as we find our way through “the wilds of midlife.” The most helpful “medicine” I’ve found so far for the challenges of perimenopause and all things midlife–of all of the solutions I’ve purchased or tried–has been connecting with other women. I have found support and guidance from the women in my life, including my mother, my sisters and my friends, and all of the women I have coached or worked with who are experiencing midlife or who have gone before me and made it to the other side of The Change. I find tremendous comfort in the meaningful conversations and intimate sharing of knowledge and experiences that result when women in midlife are together.
So I would like to facilitate more of that, and the Epic Midlife Women program is my effort to do that. This will be a gathering of 18-24 women. (Due to limited space, I’m targeting women who are in their 40s and 50s for this program.) This program will be a departure from my usual programs that are typically in the wilderness. This one will be at a spa & resort in Las Vegas. I will kick off the gathering with my “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field” presentation. This is the presentation I’m hired to give to inspire women’s leadership groups, corporations, and at various conferences. It will inspire you to take stock of your life and “prime” you to get the most from our time together. Then, each day there will be about a half of a day of programming related to women in their midlife. For part of one day, we’ll travel offsite to a beautiful natural destination, and there will also be a moon ceremony one evening.
In addition to the programming, I will facilitate meaningful conversation, and the sharing of knowledge and experiences will be a huge benefit for all of us. There will also be a great deal of sharing, and learning–and no topic will be off-limits. This program will be inspiring, meaningful, purposeful and fun.
WHEN: Thursday, Feb. 27-Sunday, March 1.
WHERE: Las Vegas, NV, at a spa & resort (TBA)
WHO: Women who are in their 40s or 50s. (There are 18-24 spots available, and this program is being offered on a first-come, first-serve basis.)
COST:Email me for more information, pricing, and/or to schedule a call to learn more.
In the meantime, here’s a short and personal video invite:
(Note the dates are off by one day. The correct dates are Feb. 27-March 1):
This is my most popular program. Zion National Park is one of the most beautiful, inspiring and restorative natural wonders in the U.S. and one of my favorite places! With this program, you get to have your cake and eat it too. Enjoy challenging and inspiring epic hikes during the day and luxurious lodging at night. (I have also offered this program to Couples, Leadership teams, and custom groups.) This program comes bundled with three personal coaching calls in the months leading up to the Epic Adventure, three days of guided epic hikes, and 3 nights of luxurious lodging.
WHEN (2 date ranges): May 1-4, 2020 AND Sept. 10-13, 2020.
WHERE: Springdale, UT, near the entrance to Zion National Park. (You’ll fly into and out of Las Vegas, NV, and share a rental car with the others who sign up, and drive 2.5 hours to Zion National Park for the program.)
WHO: Women. (There are 6-8 spots available, and these programs are being offered on a first-come, first-serve basis.)
WHAT: Personal coaching in the months leading up to the Epic Adventure, training recommendations, the guided Epic Adventure (including 3 days of epic hiking) and 3 nights of accommodations.
FOR MORE INFORMATION:Email me for pricing, a brochure and to schedule a call to learn more.
This is my most “epic” program and it will change your life. This is for women in their 40s or 50s who are looking to crank it up and do something that will challenge and inspire you. This program is not for the faint of heart! It’s not a guided tour, but an opportunity that will push your limits and develop you in ways you can’t even imagine. You will carry everything you need to live in the wilderness for 5 days on your back. You’ll cross rivers, go off-trail, climb a mountain, sleep in a tent in a remote wilderness, and be inspired for the rest of your life by the scenery you travel through. I promise this will be one of the most unique and unforgettable experiences of your life. The adventure will also be fun, and you’ll make new and lasting friendships. A significant part of this program is the coaching I provide for you in the months leading up to the Epic Adventure. Our coaching and the deep, personal work we’ll do will “prime” you to get even more out of the Epic Adventure. I will also provide you with training tips and recommended workouts so you can physically prepare for this challenging mountain adventure.
WHEN: Adventure dates: July 27-31, 2020. (Program dates, including travel days: July 26-Aug. 1, 2020.)
WHERE: Start/End in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Our backpacking route will be in the wilderness of Wyoming’s Wind River Range. You will arrive in Jackson Hole, WY, by 12 p.m. on July 26 for orientation and Shelli’s “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field” presentation, head into the wilderness on the morning of July 27, return to Jackson Hole on the afternoon of July 31, and depart for home on Aug. 1)
WHO: Women who are in their “midlife,” and who are, or can get, into phenomenal health and fitness for the Epic wilderness adventure. Women who are looking to crank it up and change the conversation in their life. Women who want to do something daring and courageous and Epic. Women who want to see what’s possible for them and their life. Women who are looking to be inspired by nature’s spectacular sights and want to take stock of their life, gain clarity and to discover new possibilities in their life. (Up to 9 spots available)
WHAT: Program includes 3 personal coaching calls pre-adventure and 1 call post-adventure, Shelli’s inspirational presentation “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field,” the 5-day guided Epic Adventure, including learning the many necessary skills to live and travel in the wilderness, and training tips & recommendations. Upon signup, I will provide lodging information for July 26 and 31, logistical travel support and a recommended gear list. Signup and participation are contingent on a phone consultation and your health/medical condition.
FOR MORE INFORMATION:Email me for a brochure and to schedule a call to learn more.
Over the years, clients have asked me if I offer custom programs. I’m excited to offer Epic Weekender programs starting in 2020. Groups of leaders, or friend groups or family groups–any group planning a meetup somewhere to celebrate a special occasion or simply being together–may hire me to join them. I’ll share my inspiring “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field” and facilitate meaningful exercises and conversation focused on any of the Epic topics I provide coaching and work in, including but not limited to extensive guided self-reflection, daring to fail, how to be more courageous, mindset (we choose it and we can change it), the people and relationships in our life, self care, commitment, and more.
WHO: Groups of 6-20 who are planning an event or gathering and would like to make it extra special and unique. Work with me to make it meaningful, fun and unforgettable. I’m an expert trip and adventure planner, and an adventure guide so I can also propose a program based on your interests and criteria.
WHEN: I envision these programs to be Weekender programs, meaning Fri-Sunday, or Sat-Monday. However, except for Summer, with enough lead time and notice, I can also provide these on weekdays.
COST: Pricing will be custom, and determined based on the program we come up with and all that is involved. In many cases, once we have a vision for what you’d like me to help provide and facilitate for your group or event, you can propose a price for me to consider.
FOR MORE INFORMATION:Email me for a brochure and to schedule a call to learn more.
Epic Women, enjoying the sunrise from a beautiful perch. _______________________________________________________
CUSTOM EPIC WILDERNESS ADVENTURES
I can also provide any of my programs, or some variation of them, for custom groups. Email me, and together we can brainstorm an unforgettable adventure!
The greatest regret people have is that they don’t, or didn’t, have the courage to live the life they want to live. Too often we play it safe and live the life others expect us to live. But I’ve learned that we risk our life more when we don’t live it than when we play it safe. The first time I hired and worked with a coach was in 2006. I needed someone who wasn’t family, friend or colleague to keep me honest and hold my feet to the fire when it came to my personal values, goals, and the dreams I had for my life. The experience changed my life. As your coach, I can’t change your life, but I will inspire and help you to change it. I have coached men and women from throughout the United States, from all walks of life. I’m happy to put you in touch with anyone I’ve coached or worked with so you can talk to them firsthand about their experience in working with me as their coach. In fact, I recommend it! I take this work very seriously and I think I’m good at it, but I’m not the coach for everyone. It’s as important to me as it is to you that it’s a good fit. Below are some quotes from a small sampling of satisfied coaching clients.
COST: Depends on frequency, duration, and terms. Email me questions you have about coaching and/or to schedule an exploratory call with me.
My “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field” presentation is different from most keynote presentations. In the presentation, I share stunning wilderness images and stories about lessons learned in the wilderness. These lessons are not only mine but also lessons I’ve learned from leaders I’ve taken into the wilderness. These lessons are metaphors for the skills we need in order to live and lead our best life. I’ve been hired to deliver this presentation to various Publicis.Sapient offices throughout the U.S. as well as in London and Toronto, by Johnson & Johnson Women’s Leadership, Turner Networks, Arthur M Blank Family of Businesses, SunTrust Bank, Fiat-Chrysler’s Women’s Leadership Summit and various conferences. “Epic Lessons Learned in the Field” will light a fire in you. It will inspire you about your life and motivate you to be more courageous, purposeful, and creative in your life.
COST:Email me for pricing and/or to schedule a call to learn more.
BIO/ABOUT SHELLI:
I’m 51 years old and I’m married to Jerry (we celebrated our 27th anniversary this year). We have three sons, Wolf, 19, Hayden, 17, and Fin, 12, and a golden retriever named Buddy. I live on the frontier of Wyoming, in the town of Lander, which is situated in the foothills of the Wind River Range and home to 7,500 people.
Among other things, I’m an entrepreneur. Epic Life Inc is my second business. I started my first one, Yellowstone Journal Corporation, and YellowstonePark.com, in 1994, and sold it in 2008 to Active Interest Media, the company that owns Backpacker, Yoga Journal, Better Nutrition, and other lifestyle magazines.
I’m a certified life and leadership coach, keynote presenter, certified wilderness first responder, leadership facilitator, certified personal trainer, writer, and adventure guide. In the last eight years, I’ve coached >200 men and women from throughout the U.S. and I have guided and led even more on wilderness adventures. My biggest passions are travel, adventure, long-distance day hiking, reading, writing and travel blogging. My favorite thing to do is anything outdoors with my family and/or friends.
Yeehaw! For a minute there, I forgot I was/am 52. I could have sworn I was 10 years old again. (I highly recommend this for all grownups)
“We are breathless, but we love the days. They are promises. They are the only way to walk from one night to the other.”–Nina Riggs, The Bright Hour
(NOTE: Before you read this post, I want to offer my thoughts and love to any of you who have cancer, and/or an other life-threatening disease. For those of you who have beat cancer, I have great respect and admiration for you. While I have been, and am close to, people who have cancer, who struggle or suffer from various diseases, who are elderly, and/or who might otherwise be confronting their mortality, I don’t pretend to know what that’s like. I can only imagine. Please know I want to be sensitive and sensible here, and I hope I don’t say anything here that offends you. If I do, I am so sorry. And while I’m at it, I’m sorry for all of you who have lost loved ones. I do know something about that, and I am sorry for your loss.)
I don’t want to die. I love my family and friends and my life so much that if I live to be 95 it won’t be long enough. Still, I think about death, and my mortality, a lot–and on purpose.
But it hasn’t always been this way. Several things have caused me to keep the prospects of death nearby.
Lori was a wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and friend to many. She was my friend.
Sometime around the second week of October, in 2011, Lori stopped by my house unexpectedly. I was struggling over things related to someone’s death, and she knew this, and she cared so much she wanted to stop by. We had a meaningful conversation, which included her sharing about an epic biking adventure she had recently embarked upon in California.
After a time, Lori got up to leave, and I walked her out, and we stood for a moment next to her car in my driveway. Lori squared herself in front of me, held each of my shoulders in her hands, and looked at me in the eyes with her sparkly eyes, and said, “For whatever reason, that day was the day that man was to die. I believe we each have a time that we’re meant to die.”
Just days later, on Oct. 19, Lori died suddenly, from an aneurysm. She was only 52. Lori’s passing struck me hard not only because she was a family friend, and we loved and adored her, but also because of those impassioned words she shared with me just days earlier in my driveway. Her belief that we all have our time to die more or less “assigned,” even if we don’t know it, took on a new meaning.
When I went to Lori’s funeral, and as I reflected on her life, I wondered if Lori somehow knew her life would be short. Of course I’m not suggesting that she really did know, but I wonder about it because she lived every day so fully, as if she knew her days were numbered. She was exceptional that way. Other friends or acquaintances have died too early in recent years, and their lives were lived similarly. As I left each of their funerals, I was sad about their passing, but I was also inspired by their examples, and I resolved to live more purposefully, and with a new sense of urgency for my life.
I wrote recently in TheMagic Ingredients blog post that I owe much of my current great life to a “Manifesto” I created for myself some years ago. I promised I’d share about it. This post is my effort to do that. Thank you for returning.
I may not wake up tomorrow. These are the words I’ve been reading to myself every single morning since sometime in late 2009.
I’ve shared with a handful of people who are close to me that I have felt as if my life will be short. I really believe this, even though, as far as I know, I have no terminal cancer diagnosis or serious diseases. I’m 51 years old, and by all indications, I’m quite healthy. Exceptionally healthy, even.
So why do I believe my life will be short? Could it be because I’ve practiced believing it, every day, for almost 10 years?
I know, Life is short and Live each day as if it could be your last are not my ideas, and we’ve heard them over and over again by the late Steve Jobs, and other famous people who have made public cases for what I’m trying to do here in my little humble blog. But, at least in my experience, it’s one thing to endorse and buy into a slogan, and another to work to actually believe and embody it. Which is what I have been doing. And while I hope, every day, that it won’t be my last, I determined when writing my Manifesto that I wasn’t going to take any chances. And it has made all the difference.
The statement, “I may not wake up tomorrow,” is the last statement, of several, listed in a “Manifesto” I started writing in 2009 and finished in 2011. At the time, I had made it to the other side of a challenging reinvention of my physical and mental health, and was in the midst of my professional reinvention. I wanted to create a sort of “philosophy of life” document to guide me. I wanted to stay true to my wishes for how I wanted to be in the world, and the life I wanted to live, and to keep the momentum I had created going.
I purposefully took considerable time and reflection to create my Manifesto. It would be a declaration and a “call to action” for me and I wanted to get it right.
Writing, and living my Manifesto has been one of the most constructive and empowering things I’ve ever done. Every day as I read it, the Manifesto “primes” me to live the day fully. When I do the math, it turns out I’ve read my Manifesto about 3,000 times. That’s a lot of affirming.
During the last year, I have worked to be more daring and vulnerable in my writing and in my sharing. Sharing my Manifesto here is part of that. You see, my Manifesto will tell you a lot about me. It’s so personal that I have shared this with only my husband, Jerry, and a handful of people.
Please know that I am not sharing it to show off what is my Manifesto, but rather in hopes that it might inspire you to write your own. (By the way, my mission isn’t to try to inspire people to be like me or to have a life like mine. Rather, my mission is to inspire people about their own lives. Everyone’s Manifesto will look and feel differently, and only you know how you want to live, and what you will need to write.)
Following is my Manifesto. This is my current version of it. It still includes most of the original statements from late 2009, plus numerous additions I’ve made in recent years.
SHELLI’S MANIFESTO (2018)
Pay attention.
In everything I do, I think first of my family, and the most important people in my life.
Every day I have meaningful connections with each of my sons. I make efforts to have rich relationships with them, and they know and can feel, my love.
Every day we’ll connect in meaningful ways as a family.
I will be the best Mom I can be. I will work to grasp less.
I show Jerry my love, and our boys see our love for one another.
And don’t forget our Buddy and Chewy. (updated)
I make time to spend with my parents.
I keep in touch with my sisters and brother.
I value my friends and friendships.
I am a great listener.
I know myself, but I’m always changing. I promise to keep learning about myself.
I pray and reflect–and am grateful–every day.
I am kind. To everyone.
I will be of service to others.
I love my whole life–the wondrous and ordinary parts AND the challenging and sad parts.
Obstacles teach me.
I create fun. I turn drudgery into an adventure.
Every day I play at least a little, and I yell “Yeehaw!” often.
I am at choice. I’m not a victim. I get to choose at any moment what my existence will be. (Viktor Frankl did!)
I will respond, not react.
I am curious. I’ll always ask questions.
I will work to be more patient.
I love Solitude.
I want to be someone who dares to fail. I will be afraid of failing, but I will still dare to fail.
Sometimes I will fail.
I am humble.
Frequently, I will go without, and even fast. I will also enjoy a lot of bacon, ice cream, cake, donuts, coffee and wine.
Read. Every day.
I will wake early, often, and see the sun rise. I will also see some sunsets.
I want to be the person who gets up off the couch to see a rainbow, or who sets her alarm to see a meteor show.
Once in a while, I’ll sleep in.
Write. I am a writer. Act like one.
I want to be the person who takes a plunge in a frigid mountain lake in the wilderness, not the person watching from the shore, being so reasonable.
I practice. Everything.
I don’t want to be so hard on myself. I promise to be more compassionate toward myself.
Most often, good enough is good enough. Seriously!
I will do what’s right.
I inspire others to climb mountains they’re not certain they can climb (real mountains and the mountains in their life.)
Talk less, but say more.
I am as healthy and as fit as I can be so that I can entertain any adventures that come my way.
I am serious, and I’m a goofball. I take life very seriously, and I also don’t take life very seriously.
I am generous.
I champion others.
I am on time–or early.
Every moment counts. (Remember Seneca’s words, “Life is long enough if you know how to use it.”)
Don’t view anything as a waste of time, and it won’t be.
I may not wake up tomorrow.
That is it. My Manifesto may be a little more specific than necessary. For example, I wanted to name items like sunrises and books and drudgery. In doing so, my Manifesto reminds me of the kind of essence I want to embody. But, also, by being specific, the Manifesto can serve as a sort of “To Do” list, instructing me with specific things I can do to help me be who and how I want to be.
I have definitely seen more sunrises and sunsets as a result of this Manifesto. I’ve seen more rainbows and constellation events. I’ve slept in more! I’ve played hard and been more of a “participant” in my family. I’ve viewed drudgery differently, and have worked to be more generous, something that unfortunately doesn’t come naturally for me. I’ve kept my fitness at a high level, and practiced everything more.
I am reading more books than ever before, and I have made strides in not being so self-critical. I have been more loving with Jerry and our sons, and had more meaningful connections with them. I have tried to be a better friend. I’ve dared to fail often and failed often, which means I’ve learned. I am writing more often, and this is a direct result of adding the writing statement to the Manifesto 12 months ago.
And, most importantly, I have done mostly a good job of living each day as if it really could be my last.
One thing I ask myself often, and people I work with, is, Let’s say you have only one week left to live. Now, look at your calendar. Would you change anything? (If Yes, make the changes.) I always think of writer Annie Dillard’s words, How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.
Those who know me or work with me know that I have a fascination with books and stories from people who are approaching the end of their life. I’m a voracious reader, and my favorite books are books written by the dying, or about the dying. As hard as I try to view each day as a gift and to live each as if it might be last, no one can do these things better than someone who is dying, and/or approaching the end of their life. I am deeply inspired by the wisdom and generosity offered by people who know they’re near the end of their life.
In addition, I’m a fan of the ancient philosophy of Stoicism. For about seven years, I’ve read many books about Stoicism, and by Stoics like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and others. I’ve followed with great enthusiasm all that Tim Ferriss has shared about Stoicism. I bring up Stoicism for two reasons that are relevant to this blog post.
The first is the concept of negative visualization, which I’ve made a part of my life since first reading about it. Negative visualization is essentially the practice/act of imagining you’ve lost someone you love, or your job, or your home–or better yet, all of it. It’s imagining that your worst fears come true. By imagining losing what we love and value, we’re likely to cherish more what we have and work to not take these things for granted. A book that has been very influential for me is A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, by William B. Irvine. The book has helped me to be an “observer” of my life, while reminding me to never take the people in my life–or my life, for that matter–for granted.
The second is the Stoics had a meditation practice at the end of their day. Many of us do this already, without realizing it. We lie in bed at night and play back in our minds the movie that was our day. Most of us tend to judge the day. I prefer to use the word, evaluate. It feels more constructive, especially if you tend to be hard on yourself like I am. Every night I reflect on my day, often holding it up against the calls to action in my Manifesto, and I ask myself things like “Could I have handled that conversation with more patience?” “Darn. When Fin was asking me about Friday night, was I looking at my phone, or at him, when I was responding?” For me, this taking stock–this evaluating my day–helps to keep me honest while providing real clues as to how I can be my best self. This process is a natural next step after writing a Manifesto.
Thanks so much for reading. Please feel free to offer a comment below, or to share with me directly any thoughts you have, or questions I might be able to answer that may help or inspire you to create your own Manifesto – your own daily guide for living.
As a gift, I’m including a beautiful poem by Mary Oliver, called The Fourth Sign of the Zodiac, which is about cancer, mortality, the life lived, and the desire for more. I love it.
The Fourth Sign of the Zodiac
By Mary Oliver
1. Why should I have been surprised?
Hunters walk the forest
without a sound.
The hunter, strapped to his rifle,
the fox on his feet of silk,
the serpent on his empire of muscles—
all move in a stillness,
hungry, careful, intent.
Just as the cancer
entered the forest of my body,
without a sound.
2. The question is,
what will it be like
after the last day?
Will I float
into the sky
or will I fray
within the earth or a river—
remembering nothing?
How desperate I would be
if I couldn’t remember
the sun rising, if I couldn’t
remember trees, rivers; if I couldn’t
even remember, beloved,
your beloved name.
3. I know, you never intended to be in this world.
But you’re in it all the same.
so why not get started immediately.
I mean, belonging to it.
There is so much to admire, to weep over.
And to write music or poems about.
Bless the feet that take you to and fro.
Bless the eyes and the listening ears.
Bless the tongue, the marvel of taste.
Bless touching.
You could live a hundred years, it’s happened.
Or not.
I am speaking from the fortunate platform
of many years,
none of which, I think, I ever wasted.
Do you need a prod?
Do you need a little darkness to get you going?
Let me be urgent as a knife, then,
and remind you of Keats,
so single of purpose and thinking, for a while,
he had a lifetime.
4. Late yesterday afternoon, in the heat,
all the fragile blue flowers in bloom
in the shrubs in the yard next door had
tumbled from the shrubs and lay
wrinkled and fading in the grass. But
this morning the shrubs were full of
the blue flowers again. There wasn’t
a single one on the grass. How, I
wondered, did they roll back up to
the branches, that fiercely wanting,
as we all do, just a little more of
life?
Blog Posts I’ve written that are related to many of the things included in my Manifesto:
Ever since the boys were small, often on Sunday mornings, I have been making them “Mommy’s Epic pancakes” for breakfast. What makes them Epic is what we have all come to call “The Magic Ingredients.” The Magic Ingredients are butterscotch chips, chocolate chips, and peanut butter chips.
Hi there!
Sure, plain pancakes are delicious. But pancakes made with The Magic Ingredients are extraordinarily delicious.
For as long as I’ve been making Mommy’s Epic Pancakes, I’ve been requesting my husband, Jerry, to hide The Magic Ingredients. This is how it goes: Sunday morning comes, and about 50% of the time, depending on who is all home and what’s going on and if I’m feeling like a great Mom, I’ll offer to make Mommy’s Epic Pancakes, to which the boys respond enthusiastically.
The next thing that happens is I instruct Jerry, “Honey, I need The Magic Ingredients.” And Jerry goes somewhere in the house, to the hiding spot he selected for The Magic Ingredients after the last time I made Mommy’s Epic Pancakes, he brings them to me, and I proceed to make the pancakes. When I’ve used the last of the pancake batter, I instruct Jerry to “Please hide The Magic Ingredients again.” I’m always sure to add, “Please hide them so well that I can’t possibly find them.” And off he goes.
Well, I often have a hankering for some butterscotch or chocolate or peanut butter, and when I’m not very disciplined, I will go looking for The Magic Ingredients. Either I’m a good hunter or Jerry’s just not a very good hider, because when I go looking, about 50% of the time, I find the goods.
As the first sentence of this post indicated, I found The Magic Ingredients just this morning. The butterscotch chips are my favorite. I actually really believe that I have some sort of addiction to butterscotch. I have no turn off switch, and the flavor of butterscotch just kills me I love it so much. When I was pregnant with our son, Hayden, and had a hankering for butterscotch, I put son Wolf in his carseat, and drove out during a hailstorm to a place called Dairyland, so I could get a butterscotch malt with extra butterscotch chips. Well, that little hankering cost us significantly in hail damage to our car. Oops. Like I said, I love butterscotch, and I may have a problem. But I digress… Sorry about that. 🙂
Thinking about all of this has inspired me to think about what are The Real Magic Ingredients.
I’m talking about The Magic Ingredients when it comes to my life. When I go to bed at night and rest my head on the pillow, I usually feel one of two ways: 1- Anxious and worried and regretful, due to disappointment about actions I did or didn’t take and how I responded to them; or 2-Content and satisfied about how I handled, and lived, the day. My cup feels full.
The anxious feelings will cause me to have a mediocre night of sleep. On these nights, I often am awakened at 2am by my uninvited inner critic, who feels the need to make me feel bad. Perhaps you know the feeling–when your head is about to explode with thoughts of how you should have done this or should have done that, and all of the ways you could have done better, and you are filled with worry about the ramifications of your actions or inactions.
I love the way writer Elizabeth Gilbert describes our mind when we are visited by our inner critic: “My head, like most of our heads, is a neighborhood you don’t want to walk alone in at night.”
The most valuable thing I’ve learned about this is that most of the time the things we’re evaluating is how we handled the things we can control–the things we are able to affect.
On the other hand, when I rest my head on my pillow at night and I feel great about how the day went, I experience a wonderful night’s sleep. If I do wake up during the night, my mind is likely reflecting on something great that happened or anticipating something I’m looking forward to. It’s not the hostile environment that comes with the inner critic.
This is all to say that finally, at my age of 49, I have realized that the way to feel great about myself and my day is to make sure to have The Magic Ingredients in my life.
And I’m not talking about the butterscotch, chocolate and peanut butter chips for the pancakes.
I’m talking about these Magic Ingredients:
1. I’ve had a meaningful connection with each of my sons. I’ve connected with each of them in a meaningful conversation and exchange, and had time with all of them, and there have been some hugs. I’ve made them a meal, and/or offered to help each of them in some way.
2. I’ve had a meaningful connection with Jerry. We’ve looked into each other’s eyes some, had some quality conversations, and also connected on things that are practical and necessary. There have been some hugs and affection. (A friend of mine who recently went with her husband to a couples workshop told me about “launching and landing” — the idea that couples should make sure to connect at the start and end of their days. I like that, and it’s similar to what I’m talking about when I say meaningful connection. There’s meaning and intention in your connection with someone; you’re not just acting like roommates passing each other or bumping into each other in the house while getting things done.)
3. I’ve called and touched base with my Mom and Dad.
4. There’s been a group text that provided a connection for my two sisters, my brother, and I.
5. I’ve cuddled with and had some time with our dog, Buddy.
6. I’ve had some contact with a close friend or two or three, whether it was a text exchange, or email to arrange a coffee date or a quick call.
7. I enjoyed some time outside, regardless of the weather, and walked some.
8. I’ve done some real work for Epic Life, whether it was coaching calls, or Epic Adventure planning, selling/marketing, or working on a keynote presentation.
9. I was kind to everyone I came in contact with.
10. I helped someone.
11. I was grateful. I prayed and was thankful.
12. I did something to improve my health and take care of myself.
13. I ate healthy foods. Depending on the day, I may have even fasted.
14. I’ve read something or many things. Articles, pages from a book, and as a result, I was inspired.
15. I wrote an article or worked on a future blog post.
When all of the above are in place, they feel like The Magic Ingredients for my life. They are the things that make my life extraordinary.
I know – the list is long. There are 15 Magic Ingredients. But none of them is that difficult to do, and they are all things that I value.
Most importantly, they are all things I can control. In other words, I have a choice about how I will feel by the end of the day. That’s powerful and good to know. If I’ve made sure to add The Magic Ingredients to my life, then I will have been my best and done my best. I will go to bed feeling good and without regrets.
What are your Magic Ingredients? I challenge you to come up with your own list. It’s valuable work to do.
By the way, I wrote a “Manifesto” for me and my life in 2011 that I still adhere to. I read it every single morning. Writing my Manifesto 6 years ago, and reading it daily has helped provide clarity for me about who and what is most important to me. It is only as a result of that work, that I know what my Magic Ingredients are, and can work to intentionally insert them into my day.
Please check back soon. Here’s a blog post I wrote about my Manifesto. You might want to write your own for 2019. 🙂
In the last 6 years, I’ve worked with hundreds of people. I’ve coached them, presented to them, helped them facilitate leadership development, or guided them on an Epic Adventure. I have learned so much, and have been so inspired by these wonderful human beings – and by all of the wonderful people I am blessed to have in my life. This short video is about the most important thing I’ve learned in this work I do. I hope you’ll watch it, and if you do, I thank you so much for your time.
If you, or someone you know, could use some loving support, encouragement and daring, I’d love a chance to be your/their champion. Email me and we can schedule a call to see if I might be what you’re looking for.
Thank you so much for stopping by. And speaking of thanks, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!
