Imagine You Have 1 Year Left. How Will You Live It?
August 12th, 2012
About a month ago, our 5-year-old son, Fin, asked me: “When a man is old, is that his last age?”
His question was so profound I didn’t immediately know how to answer it.
Of course all of our lives are of different lengths. Unfortunately, I’ve lost friends and loved ones of all ages.
Howdy.
I love books. I read and read and read. Lately, my favorite author is Cheryl Strayed, author of one of my now-all-time favorite books, Wild. Strayed is a wonderful writer, and I feel a kinship to her when reading her words and experiences.
Recently, I finished (more like devoured!) her latest book, Tiny Beautiful Things. In a chapter called “The Obliterated Place,” a 58-year-old man writes to Strayed (“Sugar”) about the loss of his 22-year-old son, his only child, who was killed four years earlier by a drunk driver. He asks how to go on, and how to be human again.
In her response to the man, Strayed (“Sugar”) mentions a remark her own young son made that is, coincidentally, similar to the aforementioned question Fin asked me. (“We don’t know how many years we have for our lives…”)
Strayed, when she was just 22, lost her mother. She writes how deeply sorry she is for the man’s loss, and among other things, writes: “It has been healing to me to accept in a very simple way that my mother’s life was forty-five years long, that there was nothing beyond that. There was only my expectation that there would be — my mother at eighty-nine, my mother at sixty-three, my mother at forty-six. Those things don’t exist. They never did.”
“Sugar” continues by encouraging the man to think: “My son’s life was twenty-two years long… There is no twenty-three.”
The words and sharing, both the man’s letter, and Strayed’s (Sugar’s) response, are poignant. Reading it broke me open, and has caused me to think, often, of Strayed’s wisdom reminding us that any thought we have about the length of our lives is an expectation, not a certainty.
So, to the point of this blog post… Imagine, for a moment, that your life has only one more year in it.
What changes would you make? Who would you choose to experience your time with? How would you be? What would you say?
These are questions to live by. Just in case.
- Categories: Family, Life and Leadership
- Tags: cheryl strayed, death, gift, life, purpose
- Comments: 5 Comments
Wow, Shelli. This is another fantastic blog post. Fin is one sharp and insightful little guy! (We knew that though…).
My answer to your question would be to say “yes” relentlessly to my highest priorities — being present with family, close friends and loved ones as much as possible, and doing the things that bring great joy (for me hiking, playing music, fly fishing). Each day I wake up, I would listen to my inner heart and know what would bring the highest purpose to both myself and others– do that– and be totally and utterly present the entire time. I think if I did that, I would have no regrets when the year was up.
Loved this blog Shelli as it is something I have thought about many times and I would do exactly what I just did – buy an airline ticket to go see my daughter and grandkids – or my other children and grandchildren. But as prompted by your blog I think I want to find a way to tell them how each of them is so special to the world and to me. I attended a 60th birthday surprise party yesterday and the birthday girl said she never had friends before she was 50 like she does now. Real friends who help, care, love and just be with for the sheer fun of laughing out loud together. It was very touching and I thought how glad I was that she’d found this at 50 but how sad it was that she didn’t always have friends like that – she deserved them. But we also have to be open to letting people into our lives. Take the risk of letting them know who we are and when we need a hug. Keep up the good work Lady.
Very profound as usual. I would continue doing things as I do now, thank goodness. I have surrounded myself by awesome people who want the best for me and whose company I enjoy immensely in so many different ways. At my parents’ 50th anniversary celebration a month ago, the most remarkable thing I took away from it all was how incredible the people surrounding my parents are, many of them who flew across the country to be there to celebrate. Then I thought . . . of course . . . my parents would only choose good people to spend their time with. I hope to keep doing that in the coming years and to keep enriching relationships going. That is what life is all about to me.
Great post, Shelli. Your story highlights a very profound, yet simple principle to live by— I wonder why so few of us actually adopt it as a living philosophy… It’s strange to think how much of our time is occupied contemplating the past or anticipating the future, when in reality all we have is the present. I love how the act of living like it’s your last year forces you to strip away all the noise and complexity we wrap ourselves in, with only the good stuff remaining 🙂
Your post reminds me to appreciate my life. Also, there is always something more to learn or challenge myself to experience.