As a life coach, I encourage and help people to play big. Playing big means honoring your values, and standing up for yourself, as well as the people and things that are important to you. Playing big is not selfish. Quite the contrary, as this blog post will hopefully demonstrate.
For several weeks I have been fasting for 24 hours on Wednesdays. I go hungry while raising awareness and donations for local causes in my small community that help provide for the hungry and those in need.
About 6 weeks ago, during one of my fasts, I was explaining to a store manager about a program I was fasting for in hopes the business would donate (which they so generously did). A lady overheard me, and soon after, pulled me aside to ask me more about the program.
She appeared to be a woman who did not have very much. I told her $5, $10 — heck even a couple of bucks — would make a big difference for someone. She left, and a moment later returned with a $100 bill for me to donate to the cause.
I asked her for her name so I could properly thank and acknowledge her. She wouldn’t say her name. She explained that her name didn’t matter, only that she wanted her money to go toward helping someone in need. I thanked her, and assured her it would.
What an amazing example of a compassionate human being.
This woman, whose name I will never know, played big, anonymously. I am grateful for having made her acquaintance, and for being witness to such anonymous compassion and generosity.
I am a life and leadership coach. A person hires me to help her/him do hard stuff, to make difficult change in the interest of living her/his most epic life. I love that this is why people hire me. It’s one of the main reasons I became a life coach — to “dare” people to do things that scare them and that are difficult, but that will cause them to become more.
Angels Landing, a hike that includes 1,500-foot dropoffs during the last half mile, is not for the faint of heart.
Change and growth only happen when we dare to leave our comfort zones.
At Epic Life, I offer clients who are interested, an opportunity to join me on a guided epic outdoor adventure. Check out this Zion women’s hiking adventure trip planned for May 16-19.
In addition, I’m partnering with the National Outdoor Leadership School to provide a 6-day epic backpacking expedition, called “Epic Women,” in my back yard, the Wind Rivers of Wyoming. In addition, I am permitted to guide clients on hikes in Grand Canyon and Zion national parks. (For more about this Epic Women expedition/program, NOLS published this article about the adventure.)
Zion is one of my favorite places in the world. If you’ve been there, I am sure you agree with me. It is a magical place. There are several hikes in Zion that serve as relevant metaphors for clients hiring me to do things outside of their comfort zone.
There are chains on Angels Landing, which are much appreciated.
One such hike is Angels Landing. It’s a short, hard hike — five miles roundtrip, with 1,500′ of elevation gain. What makes it epic are not its distance and ascent, but rather its heights and exposure. With its narrow ridge and 1,500-foot dropoffs on either side of you as you ascend its last half mile, the hike is not for the faint of heart.
Which is why it’s a perfect experience for my clients.
There are chains to hold on to as you ascend and descend Angels Landing. Even if you’re not afraid of heights chances are you’ll have a white knuckle grip on the chains, because the “What ifs” are all too clear (glaring).
What I’ve found is that the same emotions and behaviors that often occur during an epic hike or wilderness expedition are the same ones that occur in the front country — at home or at work. These are the emotions that, when triggered, try to keep us safe and out of harm’s way. They are the emotions that instruct us, “What if…,” or “Hold on tight,” or “No way,” or “I don’t want to,” or “It’s too scary,” or “I can’t,” or “I will make a fool out of myself,” and the list goes on, of very compelling, reasonable reasons we should guard the status quo and stay where we’re at — and to not dare to go beyond it.
Hugging the wall. Or, holding on for dear life.
Practicing doing uncomfortable things and going beyond our normal ways is valuable in our effort to discover, and live, our best life. Experiencing a guided epic hike with me/Epic Life is one way to practice doing this work, while also enjoying an unforgettable adventure and scenery that inspires for a lifetime. But you don’t have to hire me to do this work. I dare you to think of something you want to do, but are afraid to do, and then do it. Start with something small and keep practicing. This type of practice has the potential to lead to huge change.
[NOTE: To those who may respond to this post by saying, “But I don’t want to risk my life!” I would say this: I’m not looking to be reckless. In fact, I’m here to help you reclaim your life, and in some cases, to help you save your life.]
Finally, as if the scenery on my recent Zion trip wasn’t enough, my friends and I got this amazing sight of a California condor. This is a rare and magnificent bird that is gradually making a comeback. The bird’s wing span is almost 10 feet! Enjoy, and thanks for reading/watching.
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)
I have always loved this quote. I’m blogging about it today because I have been thinking a lot about “scary” and fear. I think if fear is present in our life, it means we’re pushing our boundaries. It means we’re not playing it safe. This is how we grow and become more. This is how we discover and live our best, most epic life — by daring to leave our comfort zone so we may confront our fears.
I have a challenge for anyone who reads this and is game: Today, when you have a decision to make, instead of choosing to take the familiar/logical/easy/certain/”safe” route, I dare you to go off-trail — to choose a new/different/uncertain way.
I would love to hear if you try this, and what you discovered as a result of doing it.
Thank you for reading — and thank you in advance, for sharing.
I’m excited to be providing 9 amazing women with an epic 6-day backpacking expedition, July 19-26, in my stunning back yard, Wyoming’s Wind River Range. This is not a guided tour. It is a custom-built adventure that will help women lean in, improve their leadership, push their limits, and return as more than they were before.
I have 8 spots left, and the program will fill fast…
You will get to experience the epic Cirque of the Towers, and there will be some resting. Not a lot, but some. 😉
The EPIC WOMEN program includes the guided epic backpacking expedition (July 19-26), training tips and/or training program, individual life and leadership coaching, new and lasting friendships, inspiration, clarity, discovery, and the list goes on.
If you’re a woman looking for adventure, new friendships with like-minded women, and interested in discovering and pursuing your most epic life, please email me.
All three of our sons have us mostly laughing or thinking. The boys often lead our family in this game they call “Would you rather…?”
Because they’re young boys (ages 12, 10 and five), this game usually goes something like this: “Would you rather eat a fresh cow eyeball, the middle of a warm rattlesnake or the back half of a dead mouse?” It’s gross and funny — and entertaining.
Last Friday, on the way to school, Finis (Fin), our 5-year-old son, took a more serious stand, when he asked the question that is the topic of this blog post: “Would you rather have your life, or the life of someone else?”
I am thankful that each of our boys responded that they would prefer to have their own life. The question provided quite an interesting conversation over dinner that evening, and provided a good teaching moment for their parents.
It is a good question, though, right? Because although we have the freedom and ability to design and create the life we want, it is easy to sometimes get sucked into making choices and experiencing a life that is largely based on what others will think, or expect us to do. The result can be that for a day, several days, weeks, months, or even years at a time, we live a life that meets everyone’s expectations but our own.
First off, a quick reminder: Epic does not mean perfect. It does mean exhilarating, but the exhilaration and epic nature of it only come following effort and struggle that are experienced in pursuit of it. Even the birth of a child, which definitely qualifies as an epic experience, is not handed to anyone. There are many struggles that occur en route, and I’m not just talking about the “labor.”
I think the best indication that something is epic, is that upon hearing about it, or having an idea, you “sign up” for it immediately, or very seriously consider committing to it. It nags at you. It has the effect of you saying, “I have do this. I need to do this. I need this. I must do this.” And then, very importantly, committing to it is often followed by, an (excuse my language) “Oh shit.” Or, “What have I gotten myself into?”
In my humble opinion and experience, these are good indications that you’ve committed to something that is, and will be, important and worthwhile to you and your life.
What is pulling at you right now that you need to commit to? I thank you in advance for sharing.
“Being in the wild gathers me. It astonishes me. It quiets the negative voices inside of me and allows the more constructive ones to talk. It humbles me. It reminds me of how small I am, which has the reverse effect of making me feel gigantic inside.”
—Cheryl Strayed, author of Torch, Wild, and Tiny Beautiful Things, two books I highly recommend.
Please take a little hike with me as I explain, in my words, why we hike:
About a month ago, our 5-year-old son, Fin, asked me: “When a man is old, is that his last age?”
His question was so profound I didn’t immediately know how to answer it.
Of course all of our lives are of different lengths. Unfortunately, I’ve lost friends and loved ones of all ages.
Howdy.
I love books. I read and read and read. Lately, my favorite author is Cheryl Strayed, author of one of my now-all-time favorite books, Wild. Strayed is a wonderful writer, and I feel a kinship to her when reading her words and experiences.
Recently, I finished (more like devoured!) her latest book, Tiny Beautiful Things. In a chapter called “The Obliterated Place,” a 58-year-old man writes to Strayed (“Sugar”) about the loss of his 22-year-old son, his only child, who was killed four years earlier by a drunk driver. He asks how to go on, and how to be human again.
In her response to the man, Strayed (“Sugar”) mentions a remark her own young son made that is, coincidentally, similar to the aforementioned question Fin asked me. (“We don’t know how many years we have for our lives…”)
Strayed, when she was just 22, lost her mother. She writes how deeply sorry she is for the man’s loss, and among other things, writes: “It has been healing to me to accept in a very simple way that my mother’s life was forty-five years long, that there was nothing beyond that. There was only my expectation that there would be — my mother at eighty-nine, my mother at sixty-three, my mother at forty-six. Those things don’t exist. They never did.”
“Sugar” continues by encouraging the man to think: “My son’s life was twenty-two years long… There is no twenty-three.”
The words and sharing, both the man’s letter, and Strayed’s (Sugar’s) response, are poignant. Reading it broke me open, and has caused me to think, often, of Strayed’s wisdom reminding us that any thought we have about the length of our lives is an expectation, not a certainty.
So, to the point of this blog post… Imagine, for a moment, that your life has only one more year in it.
What changes would you make? Who would you choose to experience your time with? How would you be? What would you say?
A busy life describes a life that feels as if our life is at or over capacity. When we’re busy, we are often overwhelmed and over-scheduled. It doesn’t feel like we own our time. Our days are full of things we “have” to do. We feel like a victim of our circumstances.
Hi there.
A full life is rich. It may or may not be “full,” but it feels full. It is a fulfilling life, one in which we choose many of the things that are in it.
A busy life is a life where we spend our time.
A full life — our epic life — is a life where we experience, or invest, our time.
I think this is a good challenge — to create, and live, a full life rather than a busy life. I am glad we are at choice and have the power to say yes, and to say no, and to create boundaries.
These abilities are necessary when it comes to creating our best life. After all, we cannot “get back” time that has passed.
Today, as you do things, and time passes, check in with yourself by asking, “Am I spending this time, experiencing this time, or investing this time?”
A book that I revisit often is Seneca’s On The Shortness of Life. Seneca writes: “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it.
One strategy I try hard not just to say to myself several times throughout each day but to actually try to believe is “I will live today as if I will die tomorrow.” As long you’re serious about the intention, it is a sound strategy for not wasting time, and for being more present.
